Thus far, my return to South Africa has consisted of much contemplation. Living alone gives you a lot of time with your thoughts – sometimes a good thing and other times not the best. But I am at a point in my life where consideration is good, if not a necessity. I will be graduating university in just about eight months, and will be required to join the real world. For the first time in my life, I will leave the shelter that educational institutions provide. No longer will there be advisors and clear teachers for me to turn to. I will be able to make all of my own decisions, and do whatever I want. Sounds freeing, right? It is. This is something I have never experienced before. I’ve always had something to turn to next, something expected. Before becoming an adult there was always the next grade, the next school, no overwhelming possibilities there. Then of course I would go to college, which was something I always knew. But now I’ve come to the finish line of expectations. Options are almost endless. I’ll need a job, but I feel no pressure to get a head start on my career – I went to Northeastern, I already have one. I could be a waitress for a while. I could settle down in Seattle, Boston or New York. I could go to grad school for international affairs. I could take the foreign services exam and work at an Embassy. I could join the Peace Corps, or attempt to move to South Africa – a place I have come to deeply know and love over the past two years, a place where I already have a life carved out. Since January these are all options I have seriously considered. And all of them have some sort of draw for me. How can I possibly just choose one?
In any case, back to contemplation. When asked why I love South Africa so much, I’ve always struggled to describe it. Yes it’s beautiful, and I’m addicted to the variety of culture and languages that surround me on a daily basis. Yes I find it intriguing to be the outsider who finds her way in, but the real reason is more of a feeling than anything else, something you have to experience to understand. I was speaking to one of the Tremendous Hearts’ volunteers the other day and she said, “the pace of life here is just so much nicer than back home, you aren’t competing with your neighbors.” It struck a chord in me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about that idea. It is the easiest way to begin to describe that South African feeling, and why I am drawn to it. In America, especially at Northeastern, everything is a competition. To be the best ‘X’ – whatever that may be. There is always this drive the get to the top, to move up the ladder, to achieve the American Dream. I always bought in to that. From the first time I visited New York City in high school I was hooked. I wanted to become a major book publisher and work in a high-rise building, have an office with a view, shop on Fifth Avenue and vacation in the Hamptons. I believed it was possible, I believed I could make it happen for myself. Neither of my parents grew up wealthy or well off, and yet I lived a comfortable middle/upper-middle class life. If they could do it why couldn’t I? But I was completely stripped of this dream after my year in South Africa.
People live differently here, a little bit more slowly, leisurely. They enjoy living their lives, not working to death. Of course this means everything takes a little bit longer to happen, a little bit longer to work – frustrating at times, but certainly a lesson in the virtue of patience. It does create monopolies, since for things like internet and electricity there are no competing companies to keep prices down (meaning I pay more for both here than I do in the US). But petrol (gas), for example, is regulated, the government sets a price per liter every month and that is how much it costs, no matter which station you go to – again no competition. I think a reason I get so caught up in the idea of fast paced American life is because it is a model that works very well for me, I am good at it. I do not struggle to find work when I need it, I was able to move myself 3000 miles away from home and go to the school I wanted, my first co-op I got the job I wanted – an Editorial Internship. I was on the road to success. But after six months I looked up from my desk and life had passed without me even noticing. And what had I accomplished, what had I really made a difference in? It was a terrifying realization. Living in South Africa is like letting go of a breath I’d been holding in for years. It is such a release. Yes things do take longer here, things are not as convenient, but South Africans enjoy living, experiencing nature, the Earth we live on, rich food and drinks, the sun on their skin. It goes against everything that I’d been taught – in America we go to the beach to get a good tan, not to enjoy the smell of salt in the air and swim in the ocean. We walk and run to get fit, not to feel the ground under our feet and see the world in the different way. My perspective here is so much different, it seems to make so much more sense.
Living in America is wonderful. Everything is easy. Transportation is reliable, the police force is trustworthy, you can find the item you need at a store without a problem – it will be guaranteed to be in stock and if not, they’ll ship it from another store to your doorstep (you can even receive packages on your doorstep!). But is it worth it to spend your life going if you never stop to enjoy the fact that you’re living? I need a life where it’s ok to stop, a life where it’s even encouraged. That is what I am searching for, and what I believe I may only find abroad.
Editor’s note: Since I got many responses from people saying I could find this same feeling in small-town America, I decided to add this email I sent to my parents as clarification.
Indeed I did leave out a major part of the explanation: this is how South Africa is – big city or small town. I am no longer living in Stellenbosch, a small town yes, though not the smallest and there was still plenty to do, but this is still the way Cape Town is as well – and I know that Durban has a even more relaxed vibe (it’s the California of SA). It is engrained into South African culture no matter the size of the city. And while yes the big city will be a bit more fast-paced (not sure about crime being worse in cities here though since I have heard horror stories about farmers being killed), the mindset is still the same. I do need to live in a bigger city, at least while I am young. Though being in South Africa I can imagine myself eventually settling down in a smaller town, or by the beach – but that is years away along with marriage and kids.
Cape Town combines city with nature so perfectly – there is a mountain and national park right in the middle of it, and it is surrounded by water. None of this environment goes unused. South Africans have this attraction towards nature the way people in big cities in America absolutely do not. Their idea of a good holiday is camping by a river or going to the middle of nowhere and hiking – this aspect of South Africa reminds me a lot of Seattleites, so it’s not restricted to SA. I think it is possible to find all of these traits individually across America. America is an extremely diverse and complex nation. When someone asks me how something is in America, it’s not an easy answer because I know it differs so much across the regions. My love of it here is the combination of all I have said, the combination in one place. Along with my ongoing fascination about this culture (mix of cultures), and just being abroad in general. It does give you a completely different perspective on the world.
I doubt I will ever live in small town America, what would I do there? Unless I was lucky and had a husband who could support me while I wrote (a la Madeline L’Engle) or other such things, but I still think I would be bored. I think that perhaps my fascination with other countries and cultures is underestimated by everyone. I probably should have studied anthropology, or international affairs. I think it would be so wonderful to spend the rest of my life living in different countries and getting to know other people and cultures. Even before coming back here I was getting so excited about the possibility of learning Spanish and exploring Latin America.
Of course yes this could all be a phase – but I feel like I’m at the point where phases dictate where the rest of my life is going to go, as it already sort of has. My two year plan right now is not at all the way I imagined it would be when I started college, or even just before I left for SA last year. And this plan was made while I was still in America, not back here again.
We’ll see, potentially things could change. It is easy to live in America, and it would be nice to settle one place and have a consistent life, as I haven’t had that in so long, I feel so spread out. But at the same time I think I’d get the itch, as I was again earlier this summer. Staying in one place too long doesn’t seem to fit for me, I get bored and need something new.
